CONFESSIONS…
happier days are ahead!!!
So it has been 7 months since I last posted anything. I would like to think that I had a great reason of why this has happened. I could think of a million reasons, but if I had to choose one that I think may be a confession or a reason it would be this. During the month of April and May my heart started to have moments of racing. I would mostly notice it around the time of picking up my kids around 2:30 and then again around 4:00. It wasn't always at the same time, but maybe because of being in the car I was more aware of it. I mentioned this to my mom and she advised me to go get it checked out. Of course it took me a few months before I finally decided I better take her advice.
During those few months before finally going to see a Dr. I noticed that I was more nervous around crowds, especially at church. I have never really had a problem with this as I have served in many callings that required me to be out of my comfort zone at times, but it was getting so bad that I wanted to find reasons to stay home. I was also struggling to be able to retain or remember names easy. My communication was beginning to feel awkward. I was so self conscious.
I felt like I wasn't my happy go lucky self anymore.
As I visited with the Dr. he asked me to feel out a questionnaire for depression and anxiety. At first my pride set in and I thought what does this have to do with my heart racing? But I soon realized as I began to answer those questions truthfully that this may be the cause of my heart. The Dr. then visited with me and asked me about my life. He felt that I was having some anxiety and wanted to put me on a medication called Lexapro.
After a few weeks my heart was not racing and I felt much better but still not as good as I was hoping for. I switched to a female Dr in the same office and it was the best thing I could have done. She is so great to listen and to give the encouragement that I needed. She expressed that some of my motivation was lost and that this could be a cause of depression. She explained that with all the moves our family has had and the changes that I have made, I was probably a little lost in all of it. She put me on another prescription called Welbutrin.
I now admit that being on medication has been a life saver for me personally. I am so thankful for being able to feel rescued when I was drowning. I honestly can say that I was one that never really understood those who struggled with depression or anxiety. I was always a very positive, optimistic person. I love to be around people and I love to serve others. But this was all starting to change and I was feeling a loss of desire for everything and everyone.
I am so thankful for being able to understand that depression and anxiety is an illness just like asthma or any other symptom that needs treatment. I am not ashamed. I am thankful for Preisthood blessings and for the power of fasting and prayer that has helped get me through this trial. I was so touched by this statement from our prophet Thomas S Monson @ the General RS Meeting.
(see www.lds.org)
I know that happier days are ahead!!!
During those few months before finally going to see a Dr. I noticed that I was more nervous around crowds, especially at church. I have never really had a problem with this as I have served in many callings that required me to be out of my comfort zone at times, but it was getting so bad that I wanted to find reasons to stay home. I was also struggling to be able to retain or remember names easy. My communication was beginning to feel awkward. I was so self conscious.
I felt like I wasn't my happy go lucky self anymore.
As I visited with the Dr. he asked me to feel out a questionnaire for depression and anxiety. At first my pride set in and I thought what does this have to do with my heart racing? But I soon realized as I began to answer those questions truthfully that this may be the cause of my heart. The Dr. then visited with me and asked me about my life. He felt that I was having some anxiety and wanted to put me on a medication called Lexapro.
After a few weeks my heart was not racing and I felt much better but still not as good as I was hoping for. I switched to a female Dr in the same office and it was the best thing I could have done. She is so great to listen and to give the encouragement that I needed. She expressed that some of my motivation was lost and that this could be a cause of depression. She explained that with all the moves our family has had and the changes that I have made, I was probably a little lost in all of it. She put me on another prescription called Welbutrin.
I now admit that being on medication has been a life saver for me personally. I am so thankful for being able to feel rescued when I was drowning. I honestly can say that I was one that never really understood those who struggled with depression or anxiety. I was always a very positive, optimistic person. I love to be around people and I love to serve others. But this was all starting to change and I was feeling a loss of desire for everything and everyone.
I am so thankful for being able to understand that depression and anxiety is an illness just like asthma or any other symptom that needs treatment. I am not ashamed. I am thankful for Preisthood blessings and for the power of fasting and prayer that has helped get me through this trial. I was so touched by this statement from our prophet Thomas S Monson @ the General RS Meeting.
(see www.lds.org)
I know that happier days are ahead!!!
“That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.
1 comment:
I Sure Love You, It is people like you who make people like me feel good knowing that we are never alone that Everyone is here to learn and grow, that we all have struggles it's how we learn and grow, and until we've walked in someone else' shoes, we just don't know what they are going through. I am glad you are doing better and have found what helps you be You ") I love what Pres. Monson said too, What a Great Man of God he is...Thanks for sharing this, it does help to know these things from other REAL people, Good for you for opening up, Love You Most ")
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